Meditation And Cheesy Workarounds

I have been getting a lot of comments and questions around meditation recently. I’m usually asked if I meditate (yes), how often (daily), how long (varies, but usually not less than 15 minutes and sometimes as much as 30+) and how (I sit).  But what I hear the most of is a variation on “I’ve been wanting to meditate because I know how important it is, but I can’t seem to keep the thoughts out, so I get frustrated and stop. How do you do it?”

The short answer is:  Cheesy workarounds and sticking to it.

In my house, cheesy workarounds usually happen when we are doing some sort of construction. We have been “blessed” with a completely non standard house, so when we want to make improvements, we find out (usually long after we have started) that it is completely impossible to accomplish the task the way we are “supposed” to. So we get creative. Cheesy workarounds are a kind of Do I Yourself meets imagination when you have an issue in front of you.

It turns out that I apply this philosophy to more than just construction.

I have been meditating on and off since 2006. Between 2006 and 2008, more off than on, from 2008 to 4 months ago, more on than off, and for the last 4 months, daily.

Between 2006 and 2007, I would periodically attempt to meditate, fail miserably and give up in frustration. At that time, the only instructions I had were to sit with my eyes closed and concentrate on my breathing, and if any thoughts came in, just let them go. So I set aside 10 minutes and tried to focus on my breathing. What happened looked a bit like this...

Breathe in...feel the breath down my throat...my nose itches, I don’t think I’m supposed to scratch it...I’ve got a lot of homework to do...I think I should finish doing my flash cards today because I’ll have time to study with them tomorrow...My back hurts...I don’t think I’m sitting up straight...A car is driving by...I need to get my oil changed...

This happened for the whole 10 minutes! I got maybe 2 seconds into a meditation before my thoughts hijacked me.  And you could forget about me being able to ‘just let the thoughts go’ because I didn’t even notice I was having any until the 10 minutes were up!

It became clear to me that sitting meditation was not an option. Luckily, my Chinese herbalist at the time suggested I try Yoga Nidra, a guided meditation to help calm the mind. The idea behind Yoga Nidra is to follow the instructions without trying, and to get very relaxed, so you are essentially asleep but with a slight trace of awareness. Generally, I fell full asleep during the meditation, but there were some times I got to a fully relaxed state without sleeping!

At about the same time, I was in the process of ‘fixing’ the way I walked. I tended to walk on the outside of my right foot which was throwing my gait off and putting a lot of extra strain on my right knee, IT Band and hip. So, during my walks, I would focus on how my right hip and knee were moving in relation to my foot and carefully placing my foot down more in the middle rather than rolling to the outside. Step after step after step. For 3 or 4 miles. I had never heard of a thing called Walking Meditation, but I was (unknowingly) doing my version of it.

In 2008, I took a Psychic class, and at each session, we went through several guided meditations. By this time, I had been doing Yoga Nidra and my “Walking Meditation” for about a year and a half, on and off, but this was more like sitting meditation so I was a bit nervous. What happened? I was able to meditate for more than a few seconds at a time!

I was so excited, I bought a meditation CD!  Complete with different ways to sit and how to count my breaths! 2 years later, and I was back where I started, sitting and breathing. Only this time, I was aware of when thoughts came in and was able to let them go. 

My current meditation practice did not come overnight or by a traditional route. I have always had a mind that was constantly full of a million thoughts going at the speed of light, and balanced it out by being a physically active person. So, initially, just sitting quietly to meditate did not calm me down, but made me jumpier. The only way that I had a hope of calming down my brain was through some sort of physical activity, or giving it something to do in a walking meditation or relaxing it with Yoga Nidra. Nor was this process obvious to me at the time. I just stuck to it and kept trying different things to see what fit best for me with the ultimate goal of quietening the mind. What I didn’t see at the time was that I needed to learn to sleep before I could walk, and walk before I could sit!

Going With The Flow

I have recently had an amazing opportunity to learn something about myself.  Yes, I know, opportunities to learn about myself happen all the time, but in this case, I couldn’t avoid it.

There is this beautiful place called Cane Bay, St. Croix in the Caribbean.  It has a coral reef that begins almost immediately off the shore and extends out about 220 yards to 

The Wall, or the 6,000 foot drop off the Continental Shelf.  (For the purposes of being a bit more accurate, it also stretches along the beach a ways, but you don’t need to know that for the story.)

To do any snorkeling or scuba diving, there is a very particular area on the beach that has a natural break in the coral so you can actually get in and swim over it without killing the coral and getting ripped to shreds.  Unfortunately, this particular set up means that as the water flows back after a wave comes in, it is funneled through this channel, almost producing the force of a wave going out to sea.  This isn’t a bit deal going out, but can present a challenge when you are coming back in.

My instructions to get back in were:  pretend you are body surfing.  Ride the wave in and when the water starts pushing you back out, swim against the current to maintain your position until the next wave.  Great.  No problem.  How hard could it be?

The first day out snorkeling the water was like glass, not a wave in sight.  Snorkeling was effortless.  I was so enchanted by everything we saw, including a sea turtle out near The Wall, that I forgot about the challenge of the re entry point.  Because there was pretty much no surf at all, getting back in was not difficult.  In fact, I was able to notice how close you get to the coral as you come in to shore.  It was probably no more than a foot beneath me and the water depth was probably only about three feet, maybe less.  How cool!

This calm state of affairs did not continue.  Neptune had other plans for me. 

The next time we went out, the sea had kicked up quite a few notches and the waves came fast and furious.  I was so worried that the waves would fill my breathing tube, I spent a lot of time and effort fighting against them.  The others I was snorkeling with were much calmer about it.  “If the water comes in, just force it out with a big breath.”  Sure.  What happens if I am breathing IN at the time??  “The gag reflex kicks in, it’ll be fine.”  Perfect.

I wasn’t able to master this nonchalance about what I perceived to be a shocking lack of self preservation, and soon got tired and had to go in.  Steve, my Other Half, was getting cold, so he offered to come with me.  

As we neared the re entry point, I could see the waves crashing in, spraying water all over the place.  Then I could feel that I was being pushed back out to sea, and it was not a gentle push.  I started kicking as instructed and waited for a wave, all the while trying to prevent the water from filling up my breathing tube, (by lifting my face out of the water), and not touching the coral which was only a foot away from me.  I was able to catch a wave and ride in a little ways, but was pushed right back out again.  This happened a few more times and I could feel myself going from tired to exhausted and from concern to panic.  The coral beneath me prevented me from using more of my legs and arms and some part of my mind prevented me from going with the flow and trusting that I would get to shore okay.

I looked up and saw that Steve had made it in just fine.  I decided that I had enough.  I called out “Help” In a feeble, waterlogged voice, and he grabbed my arm and dragged me in.

What I learned about myself has a couple of layers to it.  It isn’t just that I have a hard time trusting and going with the flow.  It is a bit more subtle than that.  I saw how easy it was to go with the flow when the going was easy.  I found that it was a HECK of a lot more difficult to trust and go with the flow when it wasn’t comfortable or going in the direction I thought it should.  The very idea that the Universe should do what I want it to do is a bizarre belief in itself.  I also learned how flipping exhausting it is to fight it!  How ridiculous is it to believe fighting against the Universe would somehow be easier than trusting, and flowing with it?

As lessons go, it’s a biggie!  Let’s hope I learned it this time, because I’m looking forward to going back to Cane Bay and I don’t know if I have the stamina to go a few more rounds with Neptune!