The subject of leadership has been coming up a lot for me recently, and not just because we are getting ready to vote in a Presidential election, but in a much more personal, and yet broader way.
As I have been trying to grow my business and share my vision, I am beginning to work more closely with other therapists and professionals in the Wellness industry. As collaborations and affiliations are slowly being formed, the subject of leadership, for me at any rate, looms large. I need to figure out how to lead if I want to pioneer a new way of working as a therapist as well as how I work with other therapists in a way that is more collaborative and inner directed.
That’s where I hit a snag.
There was a very large part of me that REALLY did not want to be a leader. Well, because I am trying to be more inner directed myself, I started asking myself what the heck was the problem?
Well, it boiled down to I didn’t want the responsibility. Okay, fair enough, but what do I think would be my responsibility as a leader? Considering how violently opposed I was to this whole concept, I wanted more than just “you’ll need to work ALOT of hours.” I already do that.
I eventually got it, and it wasn’t a small feeling. I believed that if it was my vision, I would be solely accountable if it failed, and I would be held responsible for the people who invested time and money in the venture and lost it. As the leader, I would bear all the responsibility for everyone and all the blame.
Whoa! That’s a lot of responsibility. Okay. Now we’re getting somewhere.
Why would I feel that would be the case? Well, all I had to do was look around and see how we view leadership and how we act towards people who we believe are leaders, and I don’t just mean political. This isn’t about politics per se. It’s about power and ego, and it pervades every aspect of our lives.
If you have ever been on FB, you probably see hundreds of quotes, usually with pictures, that your friends found inspiring. You probably even shared some yourself. I know I have, because when I hear someone speak, or if read about something that resonates with me, I want to share it.
But who or what is responsible for that feeling? Was it the words or actions? The person who was quoted? The person who felt inspired?
What I noticed is that generally we give the credit to the person who was quoted, who is usually a leader in their field, not the person who was inspired by it, or, even both. And I’m not sure why, because I don’t believe that I can feel somebody else’s inspiration. When the words or actions of a leader resonate with me, I’m not feeling what the leader is feeling. I am feeling myself and my passion. I am feeling the effects in my being that the words and actions had on me.
I also don’t think it stops there. It’s as if we start to believe that in order to maintain that feeling of being passionately inspired (also known as our personal power) we have to align ourselves with the person or group that may have helped initiate it. We may even think or believe that the only way to continue to feel it is by becoming a “follower”. We believe that the passion or power we feel did not come from us, but from something or someone outside of us.
Instead of saying, “that passion and power I am feeling is mine”, we say “that person has great passion” or “I can feel that other person’s passion” or “that person is a great leader because they are so passionate about what they believe in.” And, by externalizing that feeling, we are in effect handing that person our own passion and, effectively, our power.
So we end up following a person or group, rather than following their lead. Almost a cult of personality. And we often call that leadership.
I realized that the reason I was so violently against taking a leadership role was that I can’t be that kind of leader. I don’t want anyone to hand their power over to me and I don’t want to take it. I want people to keep it for themselves.
If I am to be a leader, I don’t want to do so by getting power through control of others’ hearts and minds. For me, it isn’t about “whoever dies with the most followers, wins.” That’s ego. A true leader helps you feel your own passion, true self or divine spark, and then steps out of the way so you can grow it. A true leader shows you how you can lead yourself. A leader may be the spark that ignites the passion, inspiration or power within us, but it is still in us. We can still choose to hang on to that.
So, how do I reconcile that? How can I be the leader I need to be in a way that is authentic for me?
Maybe we can create a new model of leadership by becoming our own leaders. Maybe it isn’t just about me. Maybe this new way of working with others is about true collaboration where everyone is equally inspired in their own way and shares that and doesn’t depend upon “followers” standing “behind” them, but instead stands next to or in front of them. This way we can all share the authority and responsibility that comes with using our power to make a better world.
I guess an analogy would be, if I light my candle and show it to you and you like the light, you bring out your candle. I may light it with my fire, but your candle sustains it. I shouldn’t then take your candle and you shouldn’t hand it over to me. I don’t need to hold your candle for the light to be doubled or made stronger. It just needs to be there. Who knows. You may be able to light someone else’s candle.
I have been giving a fair number of Reiki attunements recently. What is striking about giving an attunement is that the Master Teacher ends up on their knees at the students feet with their head bowed. A beautiful reminder of where a true leader’s place is: in humble service and gratitude to all they may inspire.
Thanks!
