I have recently had an amazing opportunity to learn something about myself. Yes, I know, opportunities to learn about myself happen all the time, but in this case, I couldn’t avoid it.
There is this beautiful place called Cane Bay, St. Croix in the Caribbean. It has a coral reef that begins almost immediately off the shore and extends out about 220 yards to
The Wall, or the 6,000 foot drop off the Continental Shelf. (For the purposes of being a bit more accurate, it also stretches along the beach a ways, but you don’t need to know that for the story.)
To do any snorkeling or scuba diving, there is a very particular area on the beach that has a natural break in the coral so you can actually get in and swim over it without killing the coral and getting ripped to shreds. Unfortunately, this particular set up means that as the water flows back after a wave comes in, it is funneled through this channel, almost producing the force of a wave going out to sea. This isn’t a bit deal going out, but can present a challenge when you are coming back in.
My instructions to get back in were: pretend you are body surfing. Ride the wave in and when the water starts pushing you back out, swim against the current to maintain your position until the next wave. Great. No problem. How hard could it be?
The first day out snorkeling the water was like glass, not a wave in sight. Snorkeling was effortless. I was so enchanted by everything we saw, including a sea turtle out near The Wall, that I forgot about the challenge of the re entry point. Because there was pretty much no surf at all, getting back in was not difficult. In fact, I was able to notice how close you get to the coral as you come in to shore. It was probably no more than a foot beneath me and the water depth was probably only about three feet, maybe less. How cool!
This calm state of affairs did not continue. Neptune had other plans for me.
The next time we went out, the sea had kicked up quite a few notches and the waves came fast and furious. I was so worried that the waves would fill my breathing tube, I spent a lot of time and effort fighting against them. The others I was snorkeling with were much calmer about it. “If the water comes in, just force it out with a big breath.” Sure. What happens if I am breathing IN at the time?? “The gag reflex kicks in, it’ll be fine.” Perfect.
I wasn’t able to master this nonchalance about what I perceived to be a shocking lack of self preservation, and soon got tired and had to go in. Steve, my Other Half, was getting cold, so he offered to come with me.
As we neared the re entry point, I could see the waves crashing in, spraying water all over the place. Then I could feel that I was being pushed back out to sea, and it was not a gentle push. I started kicking as instructed and waited for a wave, all the while trying to prevent the water from filling up my breathing tube, (by lifting my face out of the water), and not touching the coral which was only a foot away from me. I was able to catch a wave and ride in a little ways, but was pushed right back out again. This happened a few more times and I could feel myself going from tired to exhausted and from concern to panic. The coral beneath me prevented me from using more of my legs and arms and some part of my mind prevented me from going with the flow and trusting that I would get to shore okay.
I looked up and saw that Steve had made it in just fine. I decided that I had enough. I called out “Help” In a feeble, waterlogged voice, and he grabbed my arm and dragged me in.
What I learned about myself has a couple of layers to it. It isn’t just that I have a hard time trusting and going with the flow. It is a bit more subtle than that. I saw how easy it was to go with the flow when the going was easy. I found that it was a HECK of a lot more difficult to trust and go with the flow when it wasn’t comfortable or going in the direction I thought it should. The very idea that the Universe should do what I want it to do is a bizarre belief in itself. I also learned how flipping exhausting it is to fight it! How ridiculous is it to believe fighting against the Universe would somehow be easier than trusting, and flowing with it?
As lessons go, it’s a biggie! Let’s hope I learned it this time, because I’m looking forward to going back to Cane Bay and I don’t know if I have the stamina to go a few more rounds with Neptune!
